Letting Go and Letting God

So sometimes I break from Christian thoughts a bit and talk about my disease. Well, my disease is part of the way, or the main way the Devil tries to confuse me. It is also however, the way God tests me and who I am.

I think it is Rick Warren who says that to God life is a test and a trust. He tests us to see how much or well we trust Him to take care of everything. And if AOSD isn't a test then I am not sure what else is.

I want to say that it was and is this disease that taught and teaches me to trust God. Without it I would not know what trusting God is really about, and I suppose I still don't, but I know more than I did before October 2004, and that is what this life is about, growing toward who God wants us to be, or be like, Jesus.

I just want to take this opportunity tonight to really just let go of some of the trials I have been facing lately. Just to see if they drift off into cyber world and leave my head and my heart. Just as a means of trying to let go and let God.

I want to let go of the pain. I want to let go of the fatigue. I want to let go of trying to be validated by Kaiser. I want to let go of worries of the future with this disease (like fused bones and surgeries, joint replacements, dying young). I want to let go of what happened tonight (I was so tired when we went out to dinner I couldn't cut my meat. My mom did it for me. People watched. I felt embarrassed and upset inside. And then I was too tired to eat and I felt bad just in case the waitress felt bad). I want to let go of trying to impress people all the time, making it look like I feel good when I don't.

Thanks for listening whomever you are who do. I appreciate it more than I ever let you know. May you trust God when He tests you.